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vol. title: Miscellaneous Scraps from January 1st 1878 vol. period: 1875-1878 pages in vol.: 153 |
The Good Parrot
The Good Parrot.
If it wasn't Henry Ward Beecher or Adirondack Murray, then it was some other Brooklyn clergyman who was hunting along the wharves the other day to find a vessel just in from the African coast, hoping that some of the crew might have brought home an innocent hearted, pure minded parrot, which might be purchased at a reasonable figure and trained up in the way good parrots should walk and talk. The vessel was found and greater fortune favored the searcher. One of the sailors had brought back a splendid specimen of African parrot, and he didn't want but five dollars for it. The clergyman admired its plumage, thought the age was just right, inquired after its general health, and asked:—
"Has the bird yet attempted to utter any words?"
"Bless your tops'ls, but she talks as well as a boy ten years old," replied the sailor.
"Then I don't want her. She has probably caught up a great many bad expressions, and she would not be a fit pet for my household."
"Avast, now!" said Jack. "Do you suppose that a man like me, who reads the good book twice a day, would have a bad bird around him? Stand back and I'll show you what a Christian bird I've made of her."
Giving Polly a rap on the head to wake her up, the sailor called out:—
"Now, Polly, who was the first man?"
"Adam," was the prompt reply.
"That's so, Polly. And now tell this good man was cast into the lion's den?"
"Duniel," was the answer.
"Did you ever see such a bird before?" asked Jack of the clergyman. "While other parrots will blast your eyes and bless you amidships, this one turns to religion and keeps her mind on heaven. Now, Polly, who was tucked away in the bulrushes when he was too small to carry sail for himself?"
"Moses—Moses!" quacked the bird.
"Isn't she a dismond?" exclaimed Jack, trying to wink at the minister with both eyes.
"I must confess she is the best-minded parrot I ever saw or heard of," replied the clergyman.
"That isn't the half she can do, Skipper," continued the sailor. Now, my dear Polly, how many commandments are there?"
"Ten," screamed Polly.
"That's right, old gal. Now tell the man which is the first day in the week."
"Sunday," was the quiet reply.
"I tell you, remarked Jack, as he turned to the clergyman, "I was brought up right, and I have been trying to bring that bird up right. She's worth twenty dollars to any man, but seeing you preach the Gospel, you shall have her for five."
"I guess I'll take her," replied the minister, producing his wallet. "As I said before, the bird is one of ten thousand, and you deserve credit for the care you have taken in her teaching."
"I hope I do, sir," was Jack's modest reply, and then, giving Polly another rap on the head, he inquired:—
"Now, then, get your bearings and tell me who was going to offer his son as a sacrifice?"
"Abr'am!" shouted the bird, shaking its feathers as if greatly pleased.
"You'll sit up nights to hear that bird talk, you will," said the sailor. "If I hadn't said five dollars to you I should say fifty to the next man. I never had time to learn her, but I believe I could have that bird singing hymns in just one voyage to Liverpool. She started out to sing Old Hundred one day when we were off St. Helena, and if the captain hadn't yelled out just then I believe the bird would have picked up the whole tune like a whistle."
The clergyman said he would go and purchase a small cage in which to remove the bird, and he had started for the rail when Jack called out:—
"Just hear one more question. I want you to appreciate this bird for what she's worth."
The clergyman went back to the cage, and Jack shook up the bird and called out:—
"Polly, old gal, who did the ravens feed? Speak up sharp now."
"Lija!" shrieked Polly, seeming greatly angered over the shaking; and after an interval of a few seconds she continued:—
"Where in nell's them crackers?"
Jack and the good man looked at each other for a moment, and then the minister climbed slowly over the rail, never to return—not even to get his five dollar bill.
"See what you did?" yelled Jack, as he turned to the bird.
And all the answer Polly made was to softly say:—
"Cussum!"
A Mysterious World
We are sometimes told of this or that newspaper that it approximates to a complete mirror of contemporary history. Journals, however, may be named whose study might lead posterity to strange conclusions. Suppose, for instance, a paper published in Boston under the name of the Banner of Light were to come to the hands of some future Mommsen, what inferences would he be likely to draw from the data presented in its columns?
The mere existence of a large quarto sheet, carefully printed, liberally employed by advertisers, and purporting to have reached its forty-second volume, would be accepted as presumptive evidence that it must reflect the wants, habits, sentiments of a large, perhaps a dominant class in the community. This presumption would be strongly fortified by a review of the advertisements, among which would be specially noted the announcements of publishers and booksellers doing business in a remarkable line of literature. The large number of exchanges cited, all apparently advocating a common faith, and addressing audiences bound together by sympathy, would tend to confirm the student in an impression that the Banner of Light was a representative newspaper.
Resting with reasonable confidence upon these premises, the future historian would proceed to analyze his materials and evolve a comprehensive notion of our intellectual and social status. He would be justified in declaring that no people had ever lived in such intimate relations with the spirit world as the constituency of this newspaper. It is obvious that in the most important as well as trivial concerns of mundane life they rely implicitly on supernatural guidance. At a momentous crisis in American history, it is an impressive fact that counsel is sought not from living men, but from the more unerring insight of a departed statesman. The most lengthy and weighty article in this organ of public opinion is a discourse entitled, "The Outlook for Freedom, from the Present Standpoint of Charles Sumner," communicated through a Brooklyn woman medium. Considering the opportunities of the speaker, it might be said that his utterances are somewhat vague, and that their practical application would call for a degree of discernment and sagacity perhaps not less than ordinary folk unedified by spiritual advice are accustomed to employ in worldly affairs.
A like mystical and ambiguous tenor would be remarked by the student of this journal in other oracles and injunctions vouchsafed to their friends on earth by those who have attained to a wider sphere of knowledge. A whole side of the paper is devoted to a "Report of Messages," either in the form of question and answer or of spontaneous effusions from earnest and sympathetic spirits. One of these, with perhaps reasonable definiteness, states her residence while in this terrestrial state to have been "Third Avenue, New York." Another gives the place of her earthly habitation as "Ross street, Brooklyn." How satisfactory are the means of verification here supplied it is possible that the antiquary might be unable to appreciate. But he would be struck by the categorical nature of the proof furnished touching the reality of a future life. Thus, Sarah Richards declares explicitly, "Whether you think, my friends, it is a truth or or otherwise, I do most assuredly live and speak my thoughts." And Sarah meets a natural query without sophistry or evasion: "The question may arise in the minds of both friend and foe, how came she to learn the way back to earth? I will answer: Anxiety of mind and excitement of feeling brought me en rapport with one who has kindly loaned her speech for my use." Passing, however, from these conclusive demonstrations of a vital fact to the suggestions bearing on the conduct of business and the problems of daily life, it must be owned that the latter seem so trite that a doubt might suggest itself to the inquirer whether it needed a "ghost come from the dead to tell us that, Horatio." Still, it is probable that a philosophical historian, observing that the "Report of Messages" formed a regular feature of the journal, and remembering that the paper was already completing its forty-second volume, would conclude that the utility of these equivocal hints had been solidly established by experience. . . .
It is plain enough what a singular conception the student must needs form of a society whose creed and opinions he should collect from the evidence here offered. Could we imagine that at some far distant epoch the only record of our literature extant were a copy of the Banner of Light, the verdict of history on our civilization would unquestionably be something very different from that which we now expect. We can see, of course, that the conclusions deduced under such circumstances would be altogether erroneous and absurd. Yet may we not ourselves underrate the significance of such a journal? Does it not demonstrate the presence in this hard-headed community of a world from which the mass of people stand, perhaps, no less utterly aloof than from the mediæval Rosicrucians or the necromancers of Egyptian Thebes?
A Woman`s Order of Knighthood
From the London Gazette, Jan. 4.
The Queen has been graciously pleased, by an instrument under her royal sign manual, to institute and create an order of distinction, to be styled and designated " The Imperial Order of the Crown of India," and to make the rules and regulations which are therein set forth. The " instrument " is headed " Victoria, R. & I. Victoria, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland Queen, Defender of the Faith, Empress of India," and proceeds to say that her Majesty has resolved to commemorate the assumption of her imperial title of Empress of India by the institution of an order of distinction to be enjoyed by the Princesses of her royal house and the wives or other female relatives of Indian princes and others. Her Majesty, with her heirs and successors, Kings and Queens Regnant of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, Emperors and Empresses of India, are to be Sovereigns of this Order, and it is provided that it shall be competent for the Sovereign of the Order to confer the decoration thereof upon such princesses of the royal and imperial house, being of more than 18 years of age, as her Majesty, her heirs and successors shall think fit. It will also be competent for the Sovereign of the Order to confer the decoration upon the wives or other female relatives of such princes in the Indian empire, and upon such other Indian ladies, as her Majesty, her heirs and successors shall from time to time think fit. The decoration may further be conferred upon the wives or other female relatives of any of the persons who have held, now hold, or may hereafter hold the offices of Viceroy and Governor-General of India, Governors of Madras or Bombay, or of Principal Secretary of State for India.
A list is given of the first recipients of the new decoration. They are: The Princess of Wales; the Crown Princess of Germany (Princess Royal of Great Britain and Ireland); the Grand Duchess of Hesse (Princess Alice of Great Britain and Ireland); Princess Christian of Sleswick-Holstein (Princess Helena of Great Britain and Ireland); Princess Louise (Marchioness of Lorne); Princess Beatrice; the Duchess of Edinburgh (Grand Duchess of Russia); the Duchess of Cambridge; the Grand Duchess of Mecklenburg-Strelitz (Princess Augusta of Cambridge); the Duchess of Teck (Princess Mary of Cambridge); the Maharanee Dhuleep Singh; the Begum of Bhopal, G.C.S.I.; the Maharanee Seta Velass Dawajee Ammanee Anaro of Mysore; Maharanee Jumna Bai Saheb, Gaekwar of Baroda; Dilawar un-Nissar Begum Saheba of Hyderabad; Nawab Kudsia Begum of Bhopal; Vijaya Mohenu Mukta Boyi Ammanee Rajah Saheb of Tanjore; Maharanee Hai Nomoyee of Cossimbazar; Elizabeth Georgiana, Duchess of Argyll; Georgina Caroline, Marchioness of Salisbury; Henrietta Anne Theodosia, Marchioness of Ripon; Lady Mary Temple-Nugent-Brydges-Chandos-Grenville; Mary Louisa, Countess Dowager of Elgin and Kincardine; Blanche Julin, Countess of Mayo; Lady Susan Georgiana Bourke; Mary, Viscountess Halifax; Mary Catherine, Lady Hobart; Lady Jane Emma Baring; Anne Jane Charlotte, Baroness Napier; Edith, Baroness Lytton; Harriette Katherine, Baroness Lawrence; Cecilia Frances, Lady Northcote; Catherine, Lady Frere; Mary Ann, Lady Temple; Caroline Lucy, Lady Denison; Katherine Jane, Lady Strachey.
Editor's notes