In desolate dreams, whose memory terrific, Will haunt me to my life’s unhappy close,
The ghost of Christ, our Saviour beatific, Disconsolately rose!
Sad years have flown, but still to me are vivid The angry fevers in his piercing eyes
As he before me stood, erect and livid, But Godlike in no wise.
The bleeding palms and feet, the blonde beard tangled, Were changed not since the dolorous day of death;
I saw the thorn-pressed brow, the lean side mangled, And heard his hot, quick breath!
But marked with stupor that no sign of meekness Dwelt in that face, still marvellously fair;
And that his lips were curled in scornful weakness, While no prayer lingered there.
And he whose pure, imperishable glory, The fears of men for ages did assuage,
He, the unique, the sweet, the salvatory, Stood pallid in strong rage.
And with vindictive voice upon me calling; This poor Redeemer, bartered, murdered, sold,
To me, mute, shivering mortal, an appalling And hideous story told!
Which, were it known, and could mankind conceive it, This strange weird vision most sublimely sad,
Would fill with awe the minds that dared believe it, And make whole nations mad.
For in this tale of sacrifice and error, Monstrous narration of bewildering things,
I understood at last Christ’s pain and terror, His unknown sufferings!
With words that scorched like fire my very being, As I before him palpitantly sighed,
He cried out loudly, “Man, thou now art seeing One that was crucified!
“I tell to thee, and verily, oh dreamer, By all the gory horror of my brow,
That I, God’s Son, was loftier and supremer On earth than I am now!
“For I, like thee, once knew rare dreams Elysian, When, a pure child, dim centuries ago,
I first beheld in sleep a dazzling vision, And heard a voice say low:
“‘Arise! thou chosen of the Lord, and ponder On these my dictates, upon these my words:
The breath of Heaven is in thee; rise and wander Forth among beasts and birds.
“‘Preach unto man my laws humane and holy, For thou of earth art not, but most divine;
Preach on the gold of thrones, in hamlets lowly, The grandeur which is mine.
“‘Be faithful, meek and chaste; the power is given To thee even now all souls to blindly sway;
While God, omniscient in the heart of Heaven, Will guide thee on thy way.
“‘More than a king, gem-crowned, in Syrian raiment, Greater than worshiped prophets wilt thou be,
For thou shalt never die, nor will base payment Be even taken of thee.
“‘Jehovah, his proud equal now doth make thee, Until thy glorious mission shall be done;
And through life’s gloom his light will ne’er forsake thee, Oh blessed, anointed one!’
“Then o’er me came divinest inspiration, Knowledge and wisdom grew within my mind,
And love, like some delicious revelation, Dawned for entire mankind.
“And I went forth feeling new joys immensely, For pride had flown to my unsullied heart,
And I revered this august God intensely, Of whom I seemed a part.
“How could I doubt, when sense of love and pardon Which my weak soul before had never felt,
With infinite pity that no scorn could harden, Sudden within me dwelt?
“Therefore immaculate, with resignation, Out to the traitorous world I humbly went,
Destined in holy ways for man’s salvation, Meek and benevolent.
“Yet often, alas, dire thoughts would vex and grieve me— What, if all were an idle dream or whim?
What, if this subtle guardian did deceive me? Why place my trust in him?
“But heavenly voices, when these doubts came o’er me, Sang faith back to my soul, and made it true,
While radiant hands of light would point before me The path I should pursue.
“So, confident I trod the vales Judean, Loved by the sick, the famished and the lame,
While one incessant eulogistic pæan Hailed my redeeming name!
“By all revered, and fearing no detraction, Conscious of subtle and undying powers,
I blessed and saved with human satisfaction, Among Samarian bowers.
“The sea and land in slavish ways obeyed me, My miracles spread hope through all the land,
For God himself was there to urge and aid me, And guide my healing hand.
“And yet I, cynosure of all, would wonder Why, if I were divine, should common greed
Creep through my veins—imperiously sunder And shake my rooted creed?
“Why should I feel, I, pure and vision-laden, A ravishment, a yearning, a surprise,
When in dusk hours some flower-like Hebrew maiden Gazed in my answering eyes?
I knew not until reason proved me tempted, Then from the warm allurement I would flee,
For God, I felt, from sin had not exempted The flesh, vile part of me!
“Ah now, while my poor spirit wanders sphereless, Alone in incommensurable space,
I still remember those delicious, peerless Sweet dreamy days of grace,
“When throngs adoring, in that past existence, Kiss…ick, eager lips my passing hem,
While white before me i…distance Rose towered Jerusalem.
“Ah! I recall with tomb-touched memories tender The Mount of Olives, and each fruitful tree
That nursed blithe birds above the gem-like splendor Of lakes like Galilee.
“By Him at that hour I was not forsaken, For in the inner essence of my soul,
Poesy’s charm to me he did awaken, And gave me its control.
“Then I, than earth’s most noble bards was greater, And on my lips inspired there ever hung
The unuttered canticles of my creator, Songs that no man has sung.
“And I remember those departed glories, When Kedron’s vales re-echoed linnets’ songs,
And how I charmed with texts and allegories The vast, attentive throngs;
“And when with my disciples, friends and leaders, I roamed where Spring had made Gennesaret green,
And how amid Bethany’s tall cedars I preached my creed serene;
“With John beside me, Matthew, James and Peter, The upright Andrew, the confiding Jude;
Men whose allegiance and whose love made sweeter The strange life I pursued.
“And I recall those nights when, charmed, I listened To music of soft ugabs and shophars;
While the blue depths of calm Tiberias glistened Beneath a world of stars.
“Alas! the enchantment passed, while fast and faster Continuous evil fell upon my head;
I, the world’s benefactor, guide and pastor, Was into ambush led.
“Yet faith had utterly and blindly filled me, For I had healed with my caressing touch,
And men who—were I powerless—would have killed me, Worshiped and marvelled much.
“From rabid bodies I had cast forth demons, And I amid the human hordes, elect,
Could purify the sins of lawless lemans, And dead men resurrect.
